[ doctor chernobyl... has a nice ring to it ]

Apathy takes hold

2009-01-27T17:45:24Z

You would think that now would be the time to start freaking out and wondering how the hell I am going to pay for my car, or my rent, or my bills. I don't have enough money to make it all happen, and staring at the 1st is just starting to get downright frustrating. Or is it? I am oddly not panicking. I don't feel sick, I don't feel much of anything, actually.

Somehow, I almost feel like I should let it all fall apart so I can put it back together. Or maybe, I've become so damned depressed that I can't figure out how to get off of my ass and do something more active about it. Sure, I've been looking for work. I've had a few interviews. I should probably get in touch with some Bloom stores about doing something part time, but I just can't seem to care.

It's like I know that I'll work it out somehow. But this pile of bills has become monumental and I really don't know if I can afford to even get food next time we need to get groceries.

And I think the only thing that puts me on edge about it all is that I just can't seem to care. I normally panic when when I spend 10 dollars more than I meant to on groceries, and that's when I actually HAVE money.

...I don't know. I just know I need to get back into working somewhere worthwhile, and soon.

In desperation dreams, any soul can set you free...

2008-12-13T02:45:19Z

So, it's boiled down to some final dollars and a few shreds of sanity. There's a good chance that Lissette and I will have to book it to Connecticut to stay with a good friend. We're planning a trip soon for a week to do some job hunting, and may end up making it a semi-permanent or permanent move to get back on our feet.

Kinda...a heads up, I guess. Things here are getting progressively worse, and my options are extremely limited.

Putting it all back together again.

2008-11-09T14:46:24Z

(As also seen on my Myspace blog. -- I know I haven't updated here for a while...)

So, I am among the employed. - Part-time employed, but employed nonetheless. The good news is that I can still get at least a part of my unemployment benefits while this is going on (we'll see how that works, but apparently whatever I earn for a week can be deducted from my unemployment. Considering that my weekly earnings are under half my unemployment, it still helps...a bit.) The bad news is that I drive to Woodbridge to work under 30 hours a week, and that my cd changer in my car is broken. Fun.

    So...hint-hint, I want an adapter for my iPod in my car. Though there is a nice classical music station which I enjoy on my way to work (quite calming, actually...) it makes me a bit sleepy on late-night drives home.

    My mother helped me out by contacting a store within her area that needed help. I suppose the big problem with this is that since both my mother and sister work for the company, the management seems to have incredibly high expectations for me. As such, they had forgotten that I worked only two months for the company over eight years ago, and threw me to the wolves on my first day. (I was NOT happy, let me tell you. No better way to depress a person than to shove them back down to the bottom of the barrel like they haven't worked a day in their life.) Secondly, they seem to wish me a miracle worker, which...frankly, I am not. I AM a fast learner, and I don't like to be bored at work, but...it is not my responsibility (nor my intention) to turn their poorly running store around.

    *sigh* Alas, the woes of the country in it's current state. 6.5% unemployment rate, last time I read. And my job wasn't even CUT before. What's more, is that I think that the combination of factors (my having been fired, temporarily losing some social skills and the economy at large) has contributed to the fact that I am back among the wage slaves making half of what I used to make PER HOUR less than two years ago.

    Bleh, I am just tired.

    So, I have a goal. It is my intention that within two weeks I will be off of the cash register and training in the office at this new job, and then I will find a similar job closer to home to transfer into.

    I have to find some way to be able to afford this apartment. Jabari is moving...which makes it...extremely difficult. Lissette isn't working, and I have a poorly paying part-time job. While my mother has graciously offered for me to move in with them, I just can't do that. I've grown to like it here...and there is (frankly) no space for me there. (Not to mention other factors, which my mother would simply not understand....)

    I'd considered a move to Connecticut; thinking perhaps the job market would be better, and that the cost of living may not be quite so high. -- It's still something under consideration. Winter looms ever closer, and the fall months always make me reminisce. At times I feel pangs of regret for some decisions that I've made with my life (such as taking that job last year...) -- but then realize that it's all part of the process. It was just bad luck and bad timing that my first conflict with a manager that went out of my controll ended this way.

    I think that I am still angry; rather, I know so. - There was no fair warning, the "timing" was perfect if one were attempting to screw another one over maliciously (considering I was moving, and was trying to go to the doctor about a persistant health problem...WHICH my ever-loving manager was very aware of). I remain bitter about how a good (yet somewhat lazy) person such as myself could be treated that way by someone so manipulative. -- Sure, in a storyline concept of things, it's sometimes interesting to watch the bad guy "get away with it". But I have to tell you, in real life...it's a drag. There were things going on that made the reasons for my firing trivial in comparison, and of course, I got...as they say, the short end of the stick.

    I can never really know what happened with some of these other job interviews, anyway. -- I thought that many of them went rather well, but I have this sinking feeling that far too many of them were influenced by what happened at my previous job. I wonder if something shows on my record that shouldn't. -- Or....actually, I wonder how that all works.

    Freakin' red-tape and bureaucratic nonsense, all of it.

    Just you wait. When I've got my place open, and I've got a good working knowledge of all of this...I'mma make good jobs for good people. I live for the day that I can work for myself. And not as an "agent" for some other company, but for an idea that is mine, and that makes me happy. Little visions in my head of what will be are perfectly good (and free) fuel.

    And so...time to just chillax a bit before driving off to the grind. -- One of the cats is yowling like she doesn't get fed on a regular basis (these fuzzballs are spoiled f'in' rotten)...and I need to fix myself in a more positive frame of mind.

    Yeesh, I'm tired.

The things you say when you're desperate...

2008-07-29T18:54:27Z

"I can't get Harold and Kumar until I get my vacuum cleaner! Where is my vacuum cleaner!?"

Not much better than kissing trolls...

2008-07-25T16:15:45Z

I am absolutely, 150% out of my mind and I'm loving every freaking minute of it.

So...I had this opportunity at this Dodge dealership where I went to go and look at the Avenger back earlier this year. Unfortunately, some SHIT happened and that completely fell through.

    For those who know, I was fired from Blinds to Go back in late May. Unfortunately, I got jerked around a bit by them for my unemployment (because I apparently was terminated for "misconduct"). That all worked out, because no one there at Blinds to Go could be bothered to do what they were supposed to with my paperwork. Thusly, no one was there when the Employment Commission called. Good for me.

    The thing is, my manager there just plain didn't like me and put me in a very bad spot. I was moving into a new apartment, I needed to get some medical work done...you know...stuff you need to keep a job for. And now here I am, not working...no health benefits and in a very awkward spot.

    With the Dodge Dealership, I applied for a position and got asked in to interview for a job in sales. The interviewer was an independent contractor who didn't work for the dealership, and so he picked a class of 7 people who he felt would do well (myself included) and did a free training program for three days. It seemed as though there would be a job out of this, until last Friday when we actually TALKED with the general managers.

    One of the first things the man said to me was "Blinds to Go, huh? I know Thelma. What would she say about you if I called her?"

    Strike one and strike two. He knew Thelma and he wasn't going to pay attention to my request not to call them. Bad idea.

    We go on talking, all the while I feel worse and worse because I have to go into an abbreviated description of the shit that went down at my last job...which made me sound like a complete idiot. And then he tells me "I honestly have some concerns. In 2000 you only worked for Food Lion for one month, then had a break until you started at Michael's....and then in 2002...."

     Here he is going over stuff I did WHILE I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL. ...I quit Food Lion because I hated the company and I got the job at Michael's. I quit Michael's because I needed to focus on my graduation (because I wasn't doing very well in school) ...and in 2002 I transitioned in some school/not school phases. I was 19...barely 19.

       Strike three, bringing up irrelevant information.

       So, not only did I decide not to take it, but he likely called Thelma and chatted about me and decided not to call me back either. Well, I say...Fine. I'll find something else.

Anyway. I love trolls. I'm going to go play more trolls now.

...Fucking addicting game.

The stolen survey, and other tales of horror.

2008-06-12T21:59:50Z

Would it hurt seeing someone make out with the last girl/boy you kissed?
Unless I gave them permission first, yeah. But that permission thing is HIGHLY unlikely.

Who do you tell everything to?
Lissette. Unfortunately I don't get to talk to too many people otherwise.

Did you speak to your mother today?
I haven't, no. I haven't spoken with her in a few days.

How many months until your birthday?
Ten. Wewt.

Last person who called you?
Chris Schnebelen

What are you listening to?
Nothing right now. I think some version of Adagio for Strings on Lissette's comp.

What is the last movie you watched?
The Matrix. Seemed like a good idea at the time, but I completely tore it apart. I still love it, though.

Who's bothering you right now?
Lots of people, but I'm always bothered so it's not such a bad thing, I guess.

What makes you happy?
Getting creative urges, being able to get myself something nice ever so often...being able to vegetate.

When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?
...Hmm. A few days. Talked to my brother when I was over there on Sunday some, and same with my sister.

Are you happy?
Honestly? No. But I'm not completely morose and hating my life either. I'm kind of in a discomforted limbo.

Do you miss someone?
My friends that I haven't been able to keep in touch with (If only through the fact that my brain is so numb I hardly talk to anyone anymore)

Who was the last person you gave your number to?
...Uh. I think it was Chris Schnebelen, or Jon Barron. I don't remember.

How good is Coca-Cola?
It's pretty tasty sometimes. I like Cherry Coke better.

Where is your number one right now?
On Myspace? I really couldn't tell you. In my life? Across the room talking to one of her friends on our PC.

When was the last time you cleaned your room?
Pfft. About three weeks ago, when I was moving out of it.

Are you taking anyone for granted?
Unfortunately.

Where do you hide your money?
In my bank account.

How did you wake up this morning?
Kinda just rolled over and realized it was time to open my eyes. That half asleep "Hey, the girlfriend is moving around...maybe I should be too."

How many letters are in your last name?
Four and a half.

What are you excited about?
Living in a new apartment.

When was the last time you danced with a boy/girl?
Danced? Shit, I don't know.

Do you curse a lot?
Fuck, yes. See previous answer.

Do you drink bottled water?
I prefer flavored water, but yes.

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
Yes, they do....but not third chances.

Have you lost friends in the past years?
...Yep.

Last person you texted?
Lissette, I think. Kinda hard to tell, because my phone screen is completely fucked up at the moment.

What's the last thing that made you smile?
Juan playing with the cat.

Is there someone you wanna date right now?
Only the person that I am dating at the moment.

Why did you stop liking the last person you liked?
Because they were fucking mean to me all of the time and didn't care about my feelings the way they should have.

Who was the last person to give you a hug?
Lissette

What do you think of people who DON'T have sex before marriage?
Have an AWFUL lot of self control.

Do you like poptarts?
Sometimes :D Preferably without frostings.

The phone rings, what do you say?
"Y'ello" is the most common, but otherwise? It depends on who is calling.

Who was the meanest person you saw today?
:D REVOLVER OCELOT

Favorite drink?
Non-alcoholic: Sweet Tea or Cherry 7-up
Alcoholic: Long Island Iced Tea

Favorite kitchen gadget?
..............THE ONE THAT CAN CHANGE THE FACE OF TECHNOLOGY AS WE NOW KNOW IT.
The microwave.

Favorite pie?
Key Lime or Lemon Meringue

Latest you stayed up in the past week?
I think...like....4 or something.

Do you sleep naked?
It happens if it's hot enough, I'll admit. But I've been

How’s your heart been lately?
So far so good. I've got no compaints.

Who did you last receive a bunch of flowers from?
Lissette for Valentine's Day

Have you ever liked someone who treated you like crap?
...Lawd, do we need to breathe in order to live?

Have you ever felt replaced?
Pffft. Yes. But it's okay.

What do you do when you have a bad day?
Listen to music. Bitch. Sleep.

Do you believe ex's can really ever be "best friends"?
Considering that I no longer talk to ANY of my exes, I'm disinclined to agree.

What do you think of when you think of rainbows?
Jabari. Gay Pride. Florida. Rain.

Is there anyone that you can trust with your whole life?
Yep.

Who last told you that they trust you with theirs?
Lissette. Heh. Kinda cool.

Has anyone told you lately that they would always be there for you?
Yep. It was pretty cool. See above.

If you could kiss any of your ex's who would it be?
Bah. No thanks. A few of them I wouldn't mind kissing on the cheek, but a couple I'd like to kiss my ass.

My Halos is better than YOUR Halos

2008-06-07T13:53:26Z

    I simply adore this picture. Anseron looks extremely possessive of Halos in it. "GTFO, HE'Z MIEN BIATCH!!111" or...something to that extent. I really couldn't say for sure, but where there is Halos and Anseron, there is much love to be had.

    So. Uhm. I'm playing World of Warcraft in full swing again. Shit. I gained like 4 levels in the last 4 days with not much effort. I really should be doing things like, oh...say....concentrating on my school work or finishing my unpacking, but this just seems like a much better thing to do.

    I'm actually looking into a lawyer for the crap that went down at my job. I've got a hearing in a week or so about my benefits, because I was apparently terminated for "misconduct". Please.

mis·con·duct <a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/audio.html/lunaWAV/M04/M0480900" target="_blank"><img src="http://cache.lexico.com/g/d/speaker.gif" border="0" /></a> Audio Help [n. mis-kon-duhkt; v. mis-kuhn-duhkt] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –noun

1.	improper conduct; wrong behavior.

2.	unlawful conduct by an official in regard to his or her office, or by a person in the administration of justice, such as a lawyer, witness, or juror; malfeasance.

–verb (used with object)

3.	to mismanage.

4.	to misbehave (oneself).

    I do believe that it's human nature to talk about other people. I do not recall ever saying anything that would be considered inappropriate...rude, or otherwise. Considering that I was not the only one doing this (and I was being professional. Mostly talking about things that had to do with the effect on the WORK environment. Not to mention that I called the Partner Protection Line, and that stuff is supposed to be...oh, confidential? There are LAWS against retaliation against "whistle-blowers") -- I'm not the one who said "I can't wait until those two bitches are gone..." and "She's just jealous. She doesn't have the same relationship with me that you do." I mean...come on now. I never said ANYTHING like that. The worst that I said is "I can't stand working with her. She makes me nervous."

    So, I talked with one of my regular customers the other day who recommended I look at getting a lawyer. There's a website that kinda sifts out some lawyers for you depending on your case, and I'm waiting to hear back from that. Considering I have a hearing with my unemployment deputy in the next couple of weeks, I hope I hear something soon. That same customer said she'd serve as a witness for me if I so needed. She's been working with me since I started there, really.

    On the next and more pleasant note, my younger brother slicemasterx has graduated from high school. I went to the party....er...ceremony last night to kinda commemorate that. It was no better than mine, really...as I found myself suddenly realizing that over half of his graduating class was hispanic, the guest speaker was throwing it up like a Southern Baptist ministry/political rally and this "solemn ceremony"...in which applause, cheering and fog horns were supposed to be saved until after ALL graduates received their diploma...was anything but solemn.

    However, the effect was correct on me otherwise....because I am EXTREMELY proud of him.

     Good job, Matt. And sheshechan too :) All of that mess was completely worth it to see you both get your diplomas.

    So. Uhm. Otherwise? I've heard from a couple of old friends. They date back to EARLY childhood....one much earlier than the other to the point where I hardly remembered her! She and I had played together as children when my sister was still incubating. Her father and mine were on the same ship together in the navy. Heh, Myspace is a crazy ass thing that makes this world just a little bit smaller. The other was my best friend for YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS. We'd kinda fallen apart after a while...but I'm going to try to see her some this weekend to see if we can do some catching up. Whee-hoo.

    Anyhoo...Kinda rattled some brains trying to gather my thoughts enough to write this. I've got some school work to do. BLAH!!!!!!!

    Much love for all. Time to go munch on leftovers and wonder why I'm the only one awake when I went to bed the latest O.o;

Whooo-eey! That's some funny shit right theah!

2008-05-30T12:29:46Z

I am completely amused with myself, at present.

I have to tell you, I like being unemployed. The stress level is remarkably less, especially considering that it seems as though my unemployment benefit is just slightly better than what I was getting paid at my last job. I've really got no concerns about where the money is coming from now while I am looking for a job, which is a blessing in and of itself.

I'm moving into my new apartment over the weekend, should be finished up by Monday and Finalized when they set the internet up on Wednesday. Pretty exciting news to me.

All is going very well. I've helped Lissette get some things done that she needed to have done (and our packing helped her find some things she needed to help that along) -- so now she's getting her tax refund and her economic stimulus check all taken care of. Exciting times indeed.

I have to take the same classes from last term over, but frankly I don't care and I'm pretty excited at being given an opportunity to do it over...correctly, now that I'm not working these extremely long days anymore.

All in all. I'm feeling very good. My creativity is sparked, I've had sufficient time to vegetate my brain, and I don't really have anything to worry about.

:P Going to go have lunch with my mama today, too. That should be good. I think I want to take my filthy-ass car to get a bath before I do, though. He'd probably appreciate that. Dirty, dirty boy!

Uhm...everything is disjointed and stream of consciousness. THAT"S OKAY! :D Love you all! <3

Oh, and I am listening to some good Synthpop now. Group named Iris. -- Mostly just real catchy. Pandora radio introduced me, that lovely thing.

My name is GECKO, not GEICO! So stop calling me!

2008-05-15T01:09:54Z

    Oh my GOD!

    So, a few things have happened today. None of which are really monumental in the long term, but I figured I'd share.

    1.) My computer has been restored to manufacturers specs, and I am waiting, oh waiting, for the installation of my games and the patching to be completed. I am, as a whole, addicted. Oh, my.
    2.) I have changed my phone number. Someone has been continuously calling me at very POOR hours and doesn't so much as leave me a voice mail to go off of. And frankly? I don't care. People sleep at 5am. People sleep at 1:30am. People sometimes sleep at 8am, or even 1pm. -- Or maybe they're busy doing something else, like working? I am a busy person. Whether or not I'm actually doing anything PRODUCTIVE shouldn't freaking matter, but the games had to stop. I will be sending out e-mails and myspace messages to those who'll be getting my new phone number. Blissfully, I doubt very much that any of the ones I will be contacting know said individual. It was a long time coming, anyway. I wanted to have my area code changed since I live down in this area now. It makes things just a little bit easier. Just a bit.
    3.) I'm going to throw a fit at my job. It's going to be wonderful. Everyone should watch.

    Anyway! Hopefully this has been a good update. I have to say, that I hadn't realized until just now that when I type that my boobs are big enough to get in the way of my forearms. What does that matter? Well, you needed to know. It was JUST that damned important.

<3 yay.

Pretentious Fucking Bullshit

2008-05-07T12:51:57Z

    Wow, I'm a tightly fitted drum today. Really, I'm the sort of person who is generally highly opinionated already...but today I chose to (and shouldn't have) read someone's film review and it made me realize how seemingly simple things can become torn apart, all over someone's opinion. And what's worse? They've chosen the internet to do it.

    This may seem a bit hypocritical, but the subject I've chosen is not something that anyone can DO anything about. I really could not approach this person (Or any person like them) and say "Oh, please...sir/ma'am, you're full of pretentious fucking bullshit yourself, and you need to take two steps back and realize that there is more to life than bitching about movies and the agendas of people that, because society PUT them in this place, make a lot more fucking money than you do."

    Well, I COULD...but what good would it do? There are so many people that are LIKE this.... Now I'm not the type to agree 100% with what many of this countries industries do, the government included... but I also look around at other places, other locations...the state of people as a WHOLE, and realize, that this is bigger than just me and the fact that I think that a certain commercial/movie/radio broadcast is pushing some political agenda that I don't agree with. While we're so busy focused on this petty crap, more important things are being ignored and people continue blissfully letting the media control their opinions...whether it's through the clever mind control, or through the rejection of what the media is injecting into their ever-ready "open minded" artery.

    Open-minded is such a fucking relative term anyway. I don't believe that ANYONE is ever really TRULY open minded. Every single one of us has an opinion that will piss someone else off. I'm bisexual. I'm with a woman. That would piss a LOT of people off, and I don't agree with that...which pisses ME off. But which one of us is wrong? That's left open to a lot of interpretation and no one has the gall nor the right to say that EITHER of us really is.

    I believe 100% in the freedom of speech. I tolerate the opinions of others. I am probably as "open-minded" as I am going to get in that regard.

    Everyone has an opinion, and this is mine. I hate listening to political standpoints, because people get snippy, overly passionate, and just plain ignorant in what could LIKELY be some very high intelligence.

    So...there. It's early morning for me...I needed to explode for a second, and now all is well.

    Sometimes I wonder how I can love this world and hate it so much at the same time.

Halos x Anseron for the win.

2008-05-07T04:01:01Z

    I'm playing WoW again. Damn me. Well, I guess I can't help it. Halos and Anseron are damned beautiful. I am also burnt out on City of Heroes for the upteenth time, although I achieved a milestone. My beloved Isaiah McCoy, The Arm of the Law has reached a monumental level 35. After 4 years of playing this damned game...and I still don't have a max level character. Oh, well.

    Considering that the last 4 years have been spent trying to have a life, I suppose it makes sense. As much as I would like to spend most of my waking hours smashing things with my metal armed ex-cop turned vigilante, it's just not something that's overly healthy for me.

    In general, I've pretty much lost my mind. I'm looking very hard for a new job, because there are some things going on there that are of great concern to me. I'm not going to go into too much detail...because it hasn't all panned out yet, but if things go the way that I am thinking they are going to go, I could be unemployed and relatively soon.

    I'm not doing too well in school. I'm having a hard time focusing and keeping up with the work, although I have decided to change my degree of study. I'll be going onto business marketing instead of game art and design. In the long run, considering I want to open my business in the next few years...I think that it will benefit me more than the current degree is. As freakin' cool as it is, I have to think about my long-term. Damned long-term.

    I'm sure once things have settled down in this unusually busy life I've managed to acquire that it will all work out rather well. The problem is not so much being "busy" as having my time highly occupied. I have 10 hour days at work, mostly boring (considering I work in a sales environment in an apparent decline in economy....) with which I can do nothing productive. By the time I reach a day off I either have so many errands to run or have such a dire need to vegetate that doing anything otherwise is completely out of the question.

    Lissette's dad now knows about herself and I. That was a little awkward. He's convinced that it's a friendship that will just fade into that once we find nice boys to go and fall in love with and whatever. I really don't know if that would happen, but I don't discredit anything. I do know one thing, however. We're adults, and this isn't just a teenage "confused" phase. I had that already. My parents, that I'm AWARE of, don't really know... then again, I don't get to talk to them as much as I'd like. I'm not sure they'd really care.

    At this point, I'm just rambling. I may be moving here in the next few weeks, into an apartment. I'm really looking forward to having my own "space" again.

    Anyway. I'm going to probably go to bed soon. All is well, and all is turbulent, but all is life.

Nostalgia, how you confuse me.

2008-03-13T12:44:11Z

    I love the weather, but not the tingling sensation that the weather makes me feel. The edge of spring makes me restless, and makes me remember things which have long past. There's room to look back, but really no need.

    I've got almost no time at all to put my feelings down, but that's the way it has been for the last month or so. Even with this being my "break" from school before the next term, I find that I have no free time. My job is killing me. The seizes in my shoulder muscle are happening again with violent ferocity, and I can think of nothing to do about it.

    I'm not sure what it is that any greater power that be...Fate, God, whatever you want to call it (while I'm a believer in forging my own destiny)...is trying to tell me, but I'm very confident that my only solution is thus: I need to find a way to work from home. I cannot suffer another defeat of losing a job or endangering it because of a problem that I evidently have to learn to deal with. No matter how many solutions I've found, no matter how many times they've thumped on my spine, stuck me with needles, given me pills....nothing has stopped it. So...I live with it. And I have to find a lifestyle that I can live with it and still be comfortable.

    Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I run now to go and throw some clothes on and have another exciting 10-hour-day at work.

To clarify!

2008-02-21T14:12:31Z

I broke my elbow! Hooray!

The healing process is slow but steady, and I am off to work to stare off into space for 10 hours. God help me, for my sanity runs thin and so does my Vicotin.

Owie.

2008-02-10T22:09:01Z

I think I broke-d my arm or dislocated my elbow (more likely) but I am a stubborn bitch. Yay, me.

What the FUCK?

2008-01-12T01:11:47Z

    I'm beginning to wonder if going back to college was a good idea. I get a threatening letter from their Student Account Specialist today saying that I owe them $1,200 dollars. I don't HAVE that kind of freaking money, and I was under the impression that they would...you know, let me know if I needed to get more loans to cover the difference. Nope. Apparently not.

    I was also under the impression that I would not have to pay...you know...for school, until I either 1.) Dropped out after 6 months or 2.) After I got my degree after 6 months.

    I'm...for lack of a better set of words, fucking pissed.

"The sweet piano writing down my life..."

2008-01-07T15:57:52Z

So, Lissette bought me this book, which is most likely the best book ever written. No, it isn't fiction. It's a gateway to a freakin' future that doesn't involve me being broke off of my ass and complaining about how much I hate my life. Now, granted...I'm not exactly hating life too much at the moment, I do know that money is going to become an issue very fast.

So, my goals for this year have become as thus (and this list is growing)

I will pay off my debts. This includes the computer, the car and the credit card that I have. The student loans aren't an issue until I am out in the work-force with my degree.
I will buy a house with Lissette. Aparenlty the housing market is improving for the buyer, and now is a good time to look into a home. I've already got my little ideas about setting up myself a game room and a home theater and all of that, and we both want to learn how to cook and prepare drinks so that we can entertain our friends.
I will get a job in the graphic design field; preferably one good enough so I can support us both and still buy the house. I don't know, I have this thing where I feel the need to "take care" of things. I like being able to support myself, and being able to support someone else too would make me feel VERY good. She has talked about wanting to go back to school full time if it turns out that her job does not become a Federal job, and I want for her to be happy. As a matter of fact, said book that she purchased she is also quite interested in and would be very successful.
I will complete the first book in my trilogy. This is a HUGE freaking goal, and I'm not sure I will achieve it, but I am going to certainly try.
I will complete a FUNCTIONAL studio.
I will take piano lessons.
I will take a vacation trip out to Seattle to scope it out for a place of future domicile.
I will continue to do school full time and continue to do well.
I will make every attempt to do more exciting things with my life so that I don't become stagnant.

    As I whole I think that these are good goals.

    Last night Lissette and I went and saw "Juno", which was very cute and as a whole a very good movie. It got me incredibly thoughtful, as sometimes good movies do...and of course I am totally chanelling this "Do what the hell you want with your life as long as it makes you happy" mantra.

    I have the day off today. The school term technically doesn't start until...oh, Friday, but the amount of work for the week is definitely a week's worth of work, and I am DEFINITELY working all weekend, so it's not like I'll have the option to do everything last minute. I've got to tear myself away from this book and do productive things today. Hooray!

    And...yeah. Stuff. Off to read about....art history. *boring* ;(

chernobylblue @ 2008-01-02T08:02:00

2008-01-02T13:18:31Z

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
Took an airplane somewheres. LOL. I'd never been on a plane before. And a train! I also went on a trip completely by myself for a week and stayed in a hotel alone.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't even REMEMBER what my New Years Resolutions were for last year, so that shows how damned important they were. I do intend to make and keep some resolutions for this year, though.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not this year; I've got someone who is borderlining it, I hope!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thank God, no.

5. What countries did you visit?
...United States, in different sections. Damnitall.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
Motivation. Then again, I want that all of the time. -- My own house, one that I OWN, is probably the most important material thing.

7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 12th (First VNV Concert of the Year)
November 18th (Date that Lissette asked me to be her girlfriend)
November 21st (2nd VNV Concert of the Year)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting the hell out of GEICO and starting to go back to school.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Hoo, that's hard to say, really. I did a lot of failing this last year. ;)

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
HAHAHA! Constantly! It was the year of the chronic back spasm disorder.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
...Oh, lord. Best thing I BOUGHT? I can't even remember half of the stuff I bought in the last year.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Lissette; she got off her butt and got herself a job and has managed to hold it down very well. She likes it very much.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Jabari, mostly...and Enrique. For their own unique reasons. -- mostly involving people who are somehow related to each other. (Wow, that was a weird revelation)

14. Where did most of your money go?
Fuckin' bills, thank you.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
VNV Nation Concerts, Chris' visit, Trip to Chicago, New Job at Blinds to Go

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
2007? Anything off of "Judgement" by VNV Nation, Date of Expiration by Funker Vogt, Becomming Insane by Infected Mushroom...lots of musics.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? I'd say quite a bit happier.
ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter, thanks. That's going to change, though.
iii. richer or poorer? Uhm...honestly? Probably about the same.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Workin' on the creative project dealie and working on my studio.

19.What do you wish you'd done less of?
Fuckin' playing CoV. -_-;

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent Christmas w/family, friends...and new people. It was overall a very pleasant experience.

22. Did you fall in love in 2007?
A couple of times, in different ways, over different things. (Freakin' thought I was "in love" with Ronan Harris for a bit. Man, that guy can create strange chemical reactions in your head. WHOOO!)

23. How many one-night stands?
O.o; None.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Meerkat Manor and Scrubs

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't hate anyone, but there are some uncomfortable situations that weren't uncomfortable this time last year.

26. What was the best book you read?
Uhm....I think I read a lot this year, but I'd have to say "Mona Lisa Overdrive" by William Gibson was the BEST one that I read.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Funker Vogt and Infected Mushroom, definitely.

28. What did you want and get?
A wonderful graphics tablet...purrr, yay. Uhm...Lissette, that's a good one. After all of that time. Har. Uhm...well, there's a lot of things. I wanted a ton of movies and got them all :P

29. What did you want and not get?
A new computer desk ^^; A new car, you know, things.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Live Free or Die Hard and Stardust - FUCK YEAH I LOVE BRUCE WILLIS.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I got...clothes? Yeah! I got lots of nice clothes. And...I was 24. Fuck!

32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A nice new job; a new place to live...you know, things that are being work toward. And some kind of COMPLETION on my story.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
...It needs to look nice, and it needs to fit. That's about it :P

34. What kept you sane?
Mindless computer games, music, buddies and Lissette :P

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
.....PFFFT. Ronan Harris and Bruce Willis.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Uhm. Illegal Immigration and Same-Sex Marriages.

37. Who did you miss?
Lots of people.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
New person? Probably Godwin. He's a really amazing dude.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
That life is too short to die in a cubicle, and that one needs to find their path to getting what the hell they want.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"And we live in hope that tomorrow never comes, that it never comes."

Merry Christmas, all!

2007-12-26T01:57:24Z

       Well, Merry Christmas, everyone!

       This Christmas was, indeed...a very good one. A very positive experience overall. I think the only thing that happened is I managed to put MYSELF into a bad mood while coming home. I think I was reflecting on how good a time that I had, and that I want to have more like it. I was listening to "History" by Funker Vogt, yet another reference to the whole Nostradamus "World-Ending" theory for the year 2012.

      "Over my dead-fucking-body," I had said to my dear girlfriend, who looked at me with concern. We're both roughly of the same mind with this; there's too much left to life for it to be "ending" so soon. So, thusly, my comment.

    And so, with that thought...that's exactly how I feel. I'd do everything in MY power to avoid such a thing happening. And I pity those who are allowing themselves to be so final with that thought. I don't believe in fate, and I believe in everyone creating their own happiness.

    I managed to end up with a good "haul" as it were. Heh...so...here we go.

Hellgate London (PC)
Battlefield 1942 Anthology (PC)
Aviator - Funker Vogt (CD)
Survivor - Funker Vogt (CD)
Navigator - Funker Vogt (CD)
Stranger than Fiction (DVD)
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (DVD)
Stardust (DVD)
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (DVD)
iPod Nano 8G in "Chernobyl Blue"
iPod Docking station speaker set thingee.
Wacom Intuos 3 6x8 Graphics tablet. (Sexy)
Sweaters, and I like sweaters :P

I think that was pretty much it. I finally got to meet the Shelby, which was awesome...and me, the woman, the brother and the purple haired grrly went to see Sweeney Todd, which was sexy. YAY.

Anehhoo. I am going to go try Hellgate London :P Cause I have it, and you don't. Or maybe you do. Who knows?

Savory Soda?

2007-12-04T12:27:11Z

    So apparently Jones made a Thanksgiving Dinner set of sodas. Why? I donno. I've never understood the concept of turning something savory into something sweet. It just doesn't seem to work for me.

    I've had a couple of bumps in the road, but nothing major. I want to sell my car. Last week I decided to go out and test drive a Dodge Caliber, right? Well...I didn't quite get that far. Enrique actually showed me this beautiful thing called a Dodge Avenger. -- I fell in love with it instantly. Well...problem being, I go to check the financing for the car, and because of what I owe on Marcaim (my 2001 Honda Accord) ...I can't qualify for financing without a co-signer.

    And then I come to realize that even after making payments on this car for almost 2 years in a timely fashion that I'm still getting screwed over on my interest rate and no one is willing to help me. My solution? Get rid of it altogether. Drive Lissette's car for a while or something. I don't know, I'm pretty ticked off about the whole thing.

    I've worked my ass off to get to where I am. I'm not exactly saying that I've gone huge places, but I've gone far enough ON MY OWN to wonder why the hell I can't seem to catch a break in this ridiculous system.

    *le sigh*

    On top of that, I'm up early as hell...I have to take an ART HISTORY CLASS next term (OMG, LAME!!) ...and...yeah. I'm fucking hungry, and Enrique is in the kitchen. I hate that.

    Anyway....mindless self indulgence of CoH. I want to go buy DVDs today. *purr*

Did you ever hear what I told you?

2007-11-27T18:29:11Z

    Mm. I feel pretty good today. It feels good to have been able to vegetate a little, and I still got a lot done today. Too bad I don't feel like doing any of my school work. Haha. I don't know; I'm feeling incredibly lazy today, but that's okay. I've got Thursday off too.

    The VNV Nation concert was tasty. Very tasty. I had a "Joy"gasm as it were, because they actually performed it live. Mm.

     The trip to Norfolk was very good, and the weather was fantastic. Since we left early we were able to enjoy our surroundings a lot more than we did when going to D.C. The hotel that we stayed at was also wonderful (fun to explore, as was our immediate surroundings in Norfolk.) and was within walking distance to the location for the concert. Too bad Lissette was on the edge of a physical breakdown. The poor thing. However, the poor gentlemen were exhausted. They'll be touring until the end of December, and God, they deserve the break. Still, a powerhouse....amazing, as always.

    On a related note, I want to kick the bunch of posers that showed up to that fucking show. Ronan's energy makes me hypersensitive on my empathy, and so many of these people were brainless bimbos and bimbettes that couldn't stop screaming excitedly long enough to take the man seriously. He was trying to (on a very serious note) dedicate the performance of "Homeward" to the soldiers involved in the conflict, and stumbled over one of the words like any human could possibly do...and some JACKASS had to make fun of him. -- The man isn't perfect. He's human. A fantastic human, who is true to himself...unlike so many of the people there. He even made a statement along those lines, and I RESPECT THE HELL out of him for that.

    It was good to be able to hear Mark Jackson talk too. He's hillarious...and adorable. Goddamn. I love them both. :P

    It also got to me that so many people didn't give the headlining group a good reception. They were MUCH better (in my opinion) than "And One" and had great personalities. Clint Carney (the singer from System Syn) was very nice, and autographed the CD that we bought (with a random stranger's generous cash, as we only had credit cards). Hell, Lissette said he was sexy. And (unless I didn't see it clearly) had an astrological sign tattooed to his wrist, which...for someone like me who is a big creative nut and is obsessed with her characters, was HIGHLY amusing.

    I thought about it, and I don't want VNV Nation's autograph. I want to actually sit down and talk to them for a while. That'd mean very much to me, and I don't need that physical evidence. My memory is enough, really. I snapshot so many things in my brain already. The colors of the lights and the bursts of energy, amongst so many other things. Yeah, I'm a goober. Leave me the fuck alone about it :P

    YAY!!

    I know it'll be some time before I see VNV Nation again, but...twice in one year was something I was not expecting, so I appreciate it.

    And the rest, as they say (or do they?) shall go into BULLETED FORMAT! Because you know it's just so wonderful that way.

I'm looking at buying a newer car. 2008 Dodge Caliber (HELLO, CALIBER!) to be exact. We'll see. I think it'll be tasty. Such a cute car. I just need something that's a little more travel friendly since Lissette and I want to fucking enjoy our lives and go places.
We've opened up a bank account together. Hooray. To start saving up for things that we need when we get our own place.
I want to adopt a kitty :P
I'm doing OTHER STUFF! That's exciting!!
I LOVE THIS FUCKING SEASON.

Uh, yeah. Nothing else I could say right now MAKES ANY SENSE...because I can't think. I'm just overwhelmed with fuzzy feelings and I'm going to listen to some FUCKING good music and enjoy it!

Fun with Illustrator

2007-11-14T22:02:29Z

Adobe Illustrator really is your friend. And if you didn't know that, you do now. I'm transforming my absolutely FABULOUS roommate Jabari into a super hero for a project in my Digital Illustration class, and I'm having WAY too much fun with it.

BEHOLD!

You know you're tired when...

2007-11-14T03:00:12Z

Your favorite song annoys the hell out of you and you turn it off with a sigh, saying "Jesus. I'm NOT in the MOOD for this..."

Prease don't go...I wantchoo to stay... cry,cry

2007-11-13T01:08:17Z

    Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to meltdown!

    I've decided to amputate my feet, although the problem is I'll need them again tomorrow. I need shoes that aren't going to kill my feet, and then I'm going to have Wednesday off. YAY! And Friday. YAY x 2!

    So, while apparently "Illusion" is a song so sappy it can get a leper laid, I would not bed said leper. This song, I don't know. I refer to it as the "ending credits" music, because I WOULD like to use it as ending credits when I make a movie. (I almost typed a "if I ever..." and that's not very positive! hrmph!) I just feel like swaying and pulling out a zippo lighter when I listen to it. Or switching to the next song.

    I listened to it, and it's basically like "Chrome" only...nice. Instead of being fed up with the person that is being tricked into falling into the deception of normalcy, it's about coaxing that person into being who they really are instead of conforming. Oh so sweetly, and with a touch of sugar.

    *squeezes lemon juice on it* And people love it! It's just not for me. It is a very good song, don't get me wrong. It's just not in my "Top 10 Favorite Songs Ever".

    And just so you know, the homosexual relationship between Anseron and Halos is the singlemost wonderful thing that has ever happened. You know? I got told today that in order to have a "gaydar" (gay sense :P) that you have to be partially gay yourself. I really, really don't think I'm ready to say "Oh, yeah. I like girls."

    You know, it's easier to be a lesbian than to be a gay man, though. Men love lesbians. They fantasize about them. Oh, ew.

    So, does any of this make any LOGICAL sense? Likely not, but I thought it was all important enough that I'd write about it before TRYING to stand long enough to get a shower. *purr* sleepy.

    And yes, it's 8:00pm. Early, I know. But man, this sun exploding at 5:30pm every day just isn't doing it for my internal clock.

    ....I love you all!! :P

When you wanna gouge your eyes out...

2007-11-08T00:58:06Z

    Ice cubes can be pretty tasty sometimes. I figured that out when I was at the hotel in New Jersey. They charge ridiculous amounts of money for everything in hotels, so I was content to make due with ice. It was pretty awesome.

    I find now that I have no time. I have a 5 page paper to write on color. (Isn't that horribly entertaining?) and I have to turn my roommate into a super hero. However, at this PARTICULAR moment I'm not exactly the happiest person in the world with him. Or anyone else in this house, for that matter.

    Why the hell is it that now that I have the new job that everything seems to be falling apart around here? I mean, seriously. Lissette can't drive herself around because of the surgery on her hand, her dad is making random trips to Puerto Rico without much communication, and Jabari...is being Jabari. And what's more is my hand is sore so I can't really elaborate on bitching because it's my THUMB that hurts and I use an awful lot of spaces for someone who is on the internet.

    I think I am going to go get a shower and pass out. Man, I like going to bed early now. Sortof. Tomorrow is my last day of work for the week. I've already put in 30 hours. Yum 10 hour days. HOWEVER!! I am really liking the people that I work with. They are really wonderful, and the environment is very good. I've not had problems with my back at all this week. If it comes on I can walk it off. It's very good.

    Anyway...Shower. Yes. Sounds like a good idea. And crawling up under a nice heating blanket with a naked woman. OH, yeah. That sounds FANTASTIC.

    Well, I'm not 100% on that last part, but it would be nice ;P

...Oh, my. So tired.

2007-11-04T14:07:44Z

    My body is falling apart. The train was an hour late on the way home, and then we took the Metro to get to Franconia/Springfield...only to then drive home. Fun. Carrying around my junk was not exactly the funnest thing. I am seriously all shades of "out of shape".

    Today is "catch up on a week's worth of school work/do a week's worth of laundry" day. I have work in the morning, which I am a bit nervous about, but there's not a hell of a lot that I can do.

    A bit stressed on money, but no worries there for the long term. Things are overall looking up and I'm feeling...on the whole...very good.

    The trip in retrospect was very good aside from the discomforts of the hotel. (WiFi that was nearly impossible to use, a high traffic highway blocking the way to food, a high priced restaurant and room service being the only option because the hotel would not allow delivery. Sadness.) And the job? Well, I'm looking forward to the change.

    Yeah. So, off to do what I need to do.

    Welcome to the cold seasons. Shit, it's only 9:00!? I got an extra hour of sleep!!